-- Amil Imani

Islam has expired, according to Muhammad himself. “How long your faith shall endure?” Muhammad was asked. “En salahat ummati fa laha yom. Va en fasadat fa laha nesfe yom. Val yomo ende rabbeka alfe sanaton men ma taedoon”—if my Ummeh becomes righteous, it shall last one day; if corrupted, it shall last half a day. “And a day of your lord is equivalent of a thousand years of your accounting,” he replied. This account is as recorded by a contemporary chronicler of Muhammad. So, even if his Ummeh had lived up to his standards of righteousness, one thousand years have come and gone.

The dictionary defines religion as, “The expression of man’s belief and reverence for a superhuman power recognized as the creator and governor of the universe.” By this definition Islam qualifies as religion, so do numberless others. A definition this broad is ambiguous and must be further defined with the specific tenets and practices of the belief. Simply because someone or some people say that they believe in a superhuman deity and revere him, is the belief accorded the privileged status of religion? It is generally assumed that religion addresses issues of importance to daily life as well as matters that transcend it. Religion is thought to exercise a civilizing influence by ordering the social life, promoting spirituality, as well as advancing an array of human virtues. Zoroaster, for instance, based his faith on the triad of goodly thoughts, goodly speech and goodly deeds: Moses framed the fundamentals of his faith in the Ten Commandments; and Jesus placed love at the core of his religion. 

Nearly 1400 years ago, a group of nomads from across the scorching Arabian Desert conquered Iran (Persia), the greatest empire known to the history of man. With that, they almost destroyed one of the most benevolent and beautiful religions of all humanity, Zoroastrianism, often called the mother of all revealed religions. Due to its antiquity and subsequent influences on later Judaic beliefs, Judaism as we know it has endearingly been dubbed by some scholars as "Moses through Zoroastrian eyes." It is no coincidence that the Old Testament was put into written form during the height of Persian predominance, when Zoroastrian ideas, such as the triumph of Good over Evil, and concepts related to an after-life, such as Heaven, Hell, Resurrection, and Paradise (itself a Persian word) found their way into ancient Judaism, especially in the post-exilic period. Dr. W.Y. Evans-Wentz, an Oxford professor who was one of the world's leading authorities on Eastern mysticism and religion, was quoted in the book, "In Search of the Birth of Jesus:

Last August, President George W. Bush used the term “Islamic Fascism” in a speech. In no time at all, the Bush-bashers, Islamic propaganda organizations and the rabid left unleashed a campaign of assault on the President for insulting the Muslims and sullying the sanctified religion of Islam by linking its name with fascism. Opportunistic Democrats were just too happy to lead the attack on the President. An aspirant for presidency, to the left of the [left] Democratic Senator from Wisconsin, Russ Feingold, was so indignant by this “horrific” slander of the President smearing the stainless name of Islam that he found it his solemn duty to write a letter to the President lecturing him on his unacceptable use of the terms. Did the President indeed slander Islam, or are people like Feingold Bush-bashers who for their own reasons would never miss an opportunity to berate President Bush as well as those who support him?

Pope Benedict XVI in his speech of September 12 at the University of Regensburg, Germany, perhaps unintentionally provided the Muslims with a golden opportunity: the opportunity to prove to all enemies of Islam that Muhammad indeed gave the world magnificent new teachings. The Pope, in the course of his speech alluded to a 1391 comment of the Byzantine emperor Manuel II Paleologus in a debate with an educated Persian: “Show me just what Mohammad brought that was new, and there you find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.”

At long last, two of the greatest self-appointed statesmen of our time meet face-to-face, albeit in secret, to work out an accommodation and avert the dreaded collision between the United States of America and the Islamic Republic of Iran.   The media, in chorus, tell us that such a meeting has neither happened nor is likely to happen. But, we discovered the meeting and managed to record every word of their conversation. Ordinarily, we do not do any domestic spying. We know better than to tread on the turf of the grossly overpaid and pampered underperforming boys at the NSA—the fellows who labor at their tasks daily by leaning back on their Lazy-Boy recliners, sipping Starbucks latte and divining good-as-gold information from the ether. We also know intellectually that eavesdropping is reprehensible, if not outright criminal. But knowing this did not stop us from so doing, because we felt that in dealing with Muslims, we are free to level the playing field.

Muslims are taught that the goal justifies the means. That is, if the goal is important, you say and do whatever it takes to achieve it. So we employed the Islamic ethos and eavesdropped shamelessly. Here is our summary report. Only the two men entered the room, locked the door from inside and performed a full-body-hug with three pecks on each other’s cheeks. It made our hearts melt to see such display of friendship and affection. "Why couldn’t the two countries be as loving toward each other as these two great men", we wistfully asked ourselves. Before we could relish the tender scene for a minute, we got the jolt of our life. Khatami, the Iranian snake-oil-salesman mullah, spoke fluent English with an excellent American accent, so far as we could tell. Of course we are not exactly language experts even though we have been living and studying in the States for several years. The two spoke with great informality and colloquially as would two best of friends. We assure you on our honor—and we are not using the Islamic honor here—you can trust us. We did not manipulate the contents of what transpired between Carter the Freak and Khatami the Fake, but violated the standard operating procedure of the liberal mainstream media that habitually sanitize all reports that pertain to Islam and Muslims.

The Freak: Aah, Muhammad dear, I am delighted to see you. Thank you so very much for consenting to meet with me. I certainly hope you are not taking a chance by so doing. Your colleague in Iran, some of your enemies anyway, may think you're an American agent.